Bellis

Bellis is an innovative pioneer, leading national groundbreaking work offering peer-based grief support to mothers whose children are parented by others, addressing an issue society has long overlooked. Our Bellis™ Stronger Together Peer-Based Grief Support model addresses the two most common factors experienced by these mothers: emotional isolation and shame. We’ve learned that empathy—sharing your story with someone who accepts you completely—is transformative. We do this work grounded by 40 years of knowledge gained from experience within the adoption community.

Bellis centers its direct services on the “ambiguous loss” mothers experience when unable to parent their child, a loss for which closure is not possible. The therapeutic goal is “to help the clients live with the inherent stress and anxiety by increasing their resilience,” says Dr. Pauline Boss, a leading expert in this field. Stronger Together is shaped by academic research, best practices, continuous evaluation, and feedback from participants.

Unresolved grief is not recognized as an individual pathology, but it can paralyze coping strategies. The debilitating grief of a mother with court-ordered termination of parental rights (TPR) is not acknowledged by child welfare or court systems; these mothers are expected to simply “move on.”

These mothers have experienced trauma that led to and/or resulted from TPR orders. Society shames these women; their situation is often seen by others as a lack of character, “unnatural for a mother,” etc. Their grief is wrapped in deep anger at injustices about their treatment through the child welfare process and confusion about the legal process. This makes it difficult for them to reach out for help. A Stronger Together group is often the first place mothers with TPR orders may feel comfortable opening up with others due to the participants’ shared experiences.

Bellis provides several weekly online and once monthly in-person Stronger Together Peer Support Model™ groups, facilitated by licensed professionals highly trained in trauma-based care. In partnership with Mitchell Hamline School of Law, a law student is available to answer individual questions. Outside of regular group times, people can call or text Bellis Stronger Together Support Line™ for grief support.

Bellis also facilitates a Stronger Together Peer Support Model™ group at the Minnesota Correctional Facility-Shakopee, providing access to grief support for incarcerated mothers.

Twice a year Bellis offers Stronger Together Peer Support Model™ retreats, where participants find educational sessions, relaxation, and friendship among others whose children are parented by others. Retreat programming is designed to offer new skills, insights, and perspectives.

Bellis shares its expertise in this groundbreaking work with professional and community-based organizations who are attracted to the effective, innovative work we do to serve a marginalized population, including details about ways organizations can provide support and refer women to Bellis’ services. Recent presentations include those at the Minnesota Social Services Association annual conference and the NACC National Child Welfare Law Conference.

Bellis’ professional facilitators and consultants bring clinical expertise and broad community reach to our work, ensuring trauma-informed, ethical, and responsible care of women’s stories. Our facilitators include licensed social workers and parent educators who have experience in the logistics of adoption and terminated parental rights.

We are committed to recruiting facilitators who have lived experience and reflect the ethnicities and colors of the women we serve.

We recognize the value of program evaluation and continuous improvement; we have contracted with a program evaluator since our pilot phase began in 2021. Our evaluator has a master’s degree in public health and a program evaluation certificate. Evaluation and research partners include two women holding doctorate degrees.

Bellis draws on expertise from the community it serves via an informal “brain trust,” which gathers periodically to share information and ideas about the needs and services available to this marginalized population of mothers. This group includes women from organizations serving families in the child welfare system or tackling substance abuse. It also includes funders and attorneys working in the mental health, child protection, and systems change spaces.

Our TPR work intersects with trauma, addiction, mental health, child welfare system, and other individual and societal factors. Our long-term goal is creating a social sea change: Mothers with TPR orders are offered effective emotional-support programs outside the child welfare system to help mitigate the common consequences of unrecognized grief, develop resiliency, and help them better manage adversity.

Since our first Stronger Together group met in April 2021, Bellis has provided 352 support groups serving 188 mothers and hosted 12 retreats attended by approximately 150 mothers.

In the words of group participants:
• It's really hard to talk about. It's very shameful. I am a completely different person now and I feel like the women here know that.
• I am taking other women to this meeting with me. It helped me in my journey to face the pain I had been holding inside. I have met other women who know exactly how I feel. I am able to talk freely about my story without judgment and with total acceptance. This has changed my life.
• Honestly, before I came here, I felt hopeless. I felt I couldn't get anywhere with my daughter, and I wasn't gonna hear from her. (But with guidance from Bellis, this mother did get to hear how her daughter is doing from her adopted family.)

Retreat participants share what was valuable to them:
• Solidarity, connection, healing, time for myself, reframing and refocus.
• Community with others who can relate to this journey. Also, a new perspective on grief and not only what I experience but those close to me.
• To be cared for and loved on throughout this weekend is so appreciated. The time to focus on myself, my healing and my journey is invaluable. To be with others who get it and to just be me.
• I will say that Bellis has changed my life and has helped me heal in a way I didn’t think was possible.

We are embarking on a transformative business plan to establish a sustainable revenue stream to expand our Stronger Together network. We welcome the opportunity to discuss growth plans.